Could'a, Would'a, Should'a
by HanaTohruShipperMorgan
Summary: [[TwoShot]] I never learn.
1. Manabe

Title: Could'a, Would'a, Should'a

Summary: I never learn.

Author's Note: I'm not good with Manabe's character, and I'm sorry for that, but I felt... Compelled to write something about this. Volume Thirteen just overwhelmed me with love for this pairing. If you don't like my protrayal of Manabe, one-up me and write something better for them. Please don't include spoilers because then I won't be able to read it.

(And, by the by, yes, this fic and any others may-or-may-not be a sort of threat to extract better ones out of all of you. C'mon, you know you love this pairing.)

* * *

I should have gone home.

School had let out, I didn't have a club to stick around for, and I should have just left. I could have played video games, relaxed, had fun.

But I just _had_ to look out and see Yun-Yun smiling so sadly at Tohru. She smiled back obliviously and I felt--

What? I don't even know what it was. Was I sorry for him? Did I feel guilty for leaving him alone? Was I angry at Tohru? Jealous?

I have no idea. I just know that my chest clenched up and I felt terrible, somehow.

So I waited around. Yun-Yun, helpful and dutiful as always, was running errands for some little under-classmen. He was startled to see me, of course, but I knew he would be. I don't think he gets that we're friends. I don't know if he has any others, actually, besides me and that Tohru.

Man, it makes me so _mad_ at her, seeing Yun-Yun sad like that! He's polite, he's distant, he's emotionless. But it makes my heart break that the only genuine feeling I've seen in him is the sad smile he gave her. Sure, he's been annoyed at me, but nothing more than that.

Well, until earlier today. I _knew_ I should've gone home, but I just had to stay for him. I couldn't leave him there alone. And because I brought that stupid Tohru up and mentioned that I saw him sad, he blew up at me.

I was just trying to find out what was wrong, but I'm hopeless. I said everything all wrong and I triggered something. And even when I realized I'd done something terribly, terribly wrong, I just got angrier. Looking back, I can't understand what I was thinking, but at the time I just couldn't stand it.

I'd stayed for _him_. I'd waited for _him_. I'd just been trying to do something for _him_. I felt justified in being angry at him for getting all preachy on me.

He wasn't just preachy, he was furious. We almost started a fist fight in the middle of the hallway. Just when I thought he was going to punch me, he suddenly seemed to wake up. In moments he was calm, blank, empty.

And it was my fault that his only flicker of emotion toward me was burnt out.

He's lucky. He can make people love him, just like that. Just by going blank. Just by abandoning them. Isn't it human nature, to hate being ignored, to try harder to be noticed?

Or maybe it's just me.


	2. Yuki

Title: Could'a, Would'a, Should'a

Summary: I'm an idiot.

Author's Note: I'm even worse with Yuki than I am with Manabe, but since Pink Eraser asked ever so nicely… Here.

(Also: Did anyone else notice that Manabe called Yuki 'Yuki' when he said he was lucky? I sure did. And, seriously people, go read Chapters Seventy-Three and Seventy-Seven from Volume Thirteen. Inspiration!)

* * *

I'm an idiot.

I had a chance at having a friend outside of the Sohma family. Maybe a slightly zany friend, but a friend nonetheless, right? Manabe even stayed after, waiting for me. Has anyone done that before? Tohru can't even do that, not with her job.

No, he probably wasn't waiting for me. I'm thinking of it all wrong. He waited around for a few minutes so that he could ask me about Tohru, not to see me.

He saw me talking with her and immediately assumed I was sad. That Kyou had won her. I don't even know _how _he could have seen something like that. He's supposed to be oblivious. He's not supposed to be observant.

So he wrote me off as unhappy and kept walking after I stopped.

Unhappy?

Sure, I'm not bubbly, I'm not happy all the time, but unhappy means that I've lost. And I haven't. The Rat beats the Cat and he might not win her yet. He won't. Can't, even.

I got angry. Maybe I slipped into a lecture, but I just--

I was right _there_. He knew, _knew_ that I liked Tohru. He knew that, and told me -- to my face -- that Kyou had won, and won enough that a moron like him thought it was obvious. Of course I got angry!

His happiness might be winning. And if I've lost, I'm unhappy.

But I don't have to think like that. Even if I-- Even if I really have lost to Kyou, at least I can still consider myself happy to have her nearby.

I haven't lost yet. I won't, either. Can't.

But if I do… Then, by his standards, I can't be happy. And that's just not fair.

I don't know why, but he got mad at me for getting mad at him and -- just a few minutes after I'd been so happy to see him -- I was about ready to punch his lights out.

He didn't know anything! Not about Akito, about my mom, about Kyou, Tohru-- Not about anyone in my life. He didn't know anything about me, and he still judged me!

_"Yeah, well, better that than a prick who acts like he knows everything!"_

And I'd just done the same to him.

I backed off and looked away. I'd judged him, labeled him as an idiot, as someone that people liked, as someone who could extinguish me.

I'm an idiot.

But he called me lucky, didn't he? And I wanted to cry, to just break down in front of him and see what he'd make of me. I'm not lucky. I never have been and I never will be.

He says he fights evil, but if there's evil inside of me, does that make him my enemy?

_"You're lucky, Yuki. You understand."_

But I don't understand at all.


End file.
